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perfect_english
The last two months have been contradictory bouts of absolute laziness and mental and physical exhaustion; a rollercoaster of emotions and self-reflection. Even starting this piece is equally comforting and odd - I haven't written in months, but the familiar process of putting thoughts into prose is gradually returning to me.

My last day of service at the museum was 19 April, and I vaguely remember the early half of April being a flurry of late nights, tying up last-minute threads, handing-over my roles and responsibilities, preparing gifts (while also receiving gifts and cards) and hand-written notes to a handful of colleagues, and of course, the memorable farewell dinner that my previous workplace (FIB lab) held for me. It was so damn expensive - like 60 bucks per person; we went to Ah Yat Abalone at Turf Club, a place that I was not expecting at all (usually when someone leaves, we just go to somewhere casual at Holland Village). After dinner that night, we went to Udders for ice-cream and Rayson paid for my cab fare and everyone was just so generous that night I have no idea why but I'm so grateful, so fucking grateful for this lovely bunch of people. I'm an ex-staff - I left the museum, not the lab, so I was so speechless and touched-

I went home and cried.

I flew off to Lisbon on 22 April, feeling so damn relieved and so free that I've left all of that stuff in the museum. I spent three glorious weeks in Lisbon, Sintra, Madrid, Seville and Barcelona - my first time to these places, and I had fun, of course, going to new places, trying new food, snagging great bargains and enjoying new experiences, doing everything that I wanted to do, but I knew that I had to deal with my job prospects and real life when I eventually returned home.

I'm grateful to my family - my dad for taking care of transport to and fro the airport, and yes, even though having my mum around 24/7 for three weeks was rather prickly at times, I'm glad for this rare time to hang out with her and create new memories and experiences.

Reality felt a bit disconcerted when I reached home. After fighting off jet lag (I resorted to counting potatoes rolling under the fence, yes, I know people count sheep jumping over the fence, but I love potatoes), life before and after my vacation felt vastly different. Even when I returned to NUS to have lunch with my old colleagues, it's like hey, you used to work here, and you left the museum barely a month ago, but it feels so long ago. As if my life before Spain and Portugal belonged as far as another lifetime, as if everything was a fresh start, a rebirth of sorts (if I may allow myself to be so dramatic).

I was lost in Life After Spain and Portugal. I'm officially jobless, yet I don't feel the urgency of job-hunting, because a) I know that my savings are enough to tide me over for a bit; and b) I have a job waiting for me already if I choose to confirm and accept it. Jinjin offered me a job at her tuition centre with minimal questions asked (sometimes I can't believe my luck), and that's the work that I've been doing in May - observing her classes and picking up her tips and tricks on how to teach students of all ages effectively (it's honestly harder than it looks, trust me).

That's why I have a thick stack of textbooks - Upper Primary to Lower Secondary science, primary and secondary English texts and files of exam papers on my table - waiting to be read and studied. It's a strange sensation, as if I've been tossed back through the time machine, studying these concepts and ideas that I've gone through years and years ago, writing notes in colour pens and cramming.

Except that I'm now studying to be a teacher, not to be a student.

My mum still wants me to work for a big company - MNCs or government jobs - so I'm still Googling for jobs every week or so. We'll see what comes up, but honestly, what Jinjin is offering me (both salary, proximity to my house, meaning in the job, and opportunities for growth and self-development) is pretty decent.

Yet, May is also a month of pure sloth. The times that I'm not at her centre learning, I'm basically wrapped up in bed, glued to my phone watching BTS (yes, I'm a BTS fan because of their charisma, sense of humour, dancing, songs, and just, just EVERYTHING, my friends are so surprised to hear that, and MY BIAS IS THE HYUNG LINE, ESPECIALLY RM. RM's swag is unbeatable, J-Hope's sunshine reminds me of how I used to be, and seeing his aegyo is enough to brighten up my day, Suga is relatable, and Jin is of course WORLDWIDE HANDSOME, and he's so adorkable), reading manga or just doing shit that involves zero effort and progression in life whatsoever.

I didn't even know I could get this lazy.

Inertia is a dangerous, dangerous thing.

Well, it's 1 June today, no use crying over spilled milk and time that's already wasted, so it's time to pick myself up, pull myself together and get myself sorted out. I'll treat May as a month for well-deserved resting/recuperating/recreation, and continue on from here. I refuse to allow myself to slip back into the vortex of self-pity, indolence, emptiness and disorientation that I felt in 2014.

June is shaping up to be pretty interesting - I'll be busy with observing classes, mugging and teaching for the first two weeks, as Jinjin is teaching insane hours, and my only time to earn money in June is during these two weeks. The last two weeks would be relatively relaxed as there'll be no classes at all (she's overseas), so I can take my time to continue studying and work on my personal projects, which include a) packing my room, b) writing and editing my novel, c) updating CV and investments; d) reading, lots and lots of reading

HD Fanfair (a Harry-Draco fest) is happening in June, so I'm looking forward to that too.

Oh yeah, I finally updated World of Warcraft too. CLASSIC IS COMING IN LATE AUGUST I CAN'T WAIT HONESTLY

Yeah, June will be the month of self-motivation and self-reflection, achieving goals at my own speed and freedom to think, to breathe, to write and to work on my own thing.

I think it'd be interesting.